No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
