My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
