she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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