First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
