Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
