Can Purell be used as lube?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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