I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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