I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
