awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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