He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
her facebook's as public as her vagina
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
