Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
