Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
