before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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