i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
