Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
