Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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