I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
