Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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