You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were trust falling into bushes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
