So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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