I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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