we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
