she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
