True but thats because hes a fetus.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
