apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
