giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
