We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
