we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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