He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
