I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
