just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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