It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We just shotgunned beers for America
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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