im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
