I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im part way to drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
