I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
being pregnant is like rehab
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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