i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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