I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just forgot I was standing up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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