just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
