Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
