Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
