Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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