Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
