I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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