Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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