ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
