seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
