i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
