I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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