she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
