you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
