are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
