I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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