The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
