And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
